Sometimes…

Sometimes I look at them and almost cry bc time goes by so fast and I can almost picture him as a teenager scarfing popcorn and telling me something crazy that he saw that day. It makes me panic, for a quick second that I’m gonna miss this moment and I will be looking back wishing that I hadn’t. Telling me about the “very coolest toy” he found. Isn’t that the constant battle that we face as humans? Staying present but also moving forward at the same time. Homework, sports, parent visits, social worker visits, appointment, appointment, appointment, dentist, church, etc. Sometimes I feel like all I’m doing is moving forward. Those are the times that I begin to feel overwhelmed and like I can’t do it or I’m not doing it well. That my kids are going to need therapy because of me. They’ll say my mom took good care of me but she didn’t play or really hear my heart. 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

So after I made pumpkin pancakes and cleaned poop out of some underwear:  I went through the car wash like they have been asking, bought them popcorn at target, we played with bubbles in the backyard and I watched their faces light up every time they tried to pop it. I even shared the bubble wand. I let the mess up my bed to play where did my kids go? And then I gave them leftover pizza for lunch, tore peed sheets off a bed, and hurriedly put them in their beds because of their 2 & 3 year old naughtiness. 

I’d say today, I did ok being “here” and still putting in loads of laundry, cleaning up, and writing this. Maybe someday when my kids are grown, they’ll read this and know how much I love them and the fine balance I had to juggle between taking care of the whole child: body, soul, Spirit and also doing their laundry. 

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