Moment to moment. 

So reflective and grateful one moment and then the next I’m like, what is happening here? Miss Mercy is fitting right in with all of our activities and melts everybody’s heart instantly. We are figuring her out more and visa versa. She doesn’t run off when we are out and that’s a blessing. The boys are so awesome with her. We are taking everything day by day with her case and just pouring into her in the meantime. 

But you know what, parenting is hard and when there’s a lot it’s really hard. I’d never ever trade my life because I love it but it’s not for the faint of heart. And having such a big family I need Jesus more than ever. I’m very easily at the end of myself these days. Today we had a such an awesome day but it was tiring. We got home after a lot of soccer and fun but then, as any pastors wife on a Sat night knows, it’s off to the office, church, etc for the hubs. So here I am, everyone is tired, sweaty, hungry (including me). 4 sons all crazy and Miss M just following along with it all. Suddenly I’m like where am I? Who am I? Why do you have NO shoes? Who’s sock is this? You pooped in the shower? Who put silly putty on this comforter? Who peed all over the toilet? Why is there purple crayon on the white cabinets? Who’s wet towel? Who’s smelly soccer gear? Who’s fill in the blank with: water is dumped over, took all these books out, dumped this toy box out, left the iPad on the floor, clean laundry thrown everywhere, not eaten dinner, trash on the ground, ball is this, homework paper is here, etc… sometimes they all talk to me at the same time- each of them saying Mom/Mama before they say any words and I just shoot out answers or point at them for their turn. When I started this post 2/5 kids were actually crying. 

Life is so weird because I’m so concerned with soaking up my life and treasuring it but in next moment I just want to have a moment where I’m alone and nobody is talking to me. Where I can clean without someone uncleaning. I can put away paper and actually write on my calendar so I can keep my plates spinning. So I can just remember who I am. So I’m going to need to find a plan for this. Between normal life, 4 school pick ups, birth mom visits, social worker appointments, medical visits, laundry, dishes, shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework, stories, sports, church, school, etc I’m not figuring it out yet. I know I will, but I hope it’s sooner than later. 

Thanks for letting me share my heart and for a moment realize I’m just a human who loves a lot but can’t be perfect. Moment to moment I need more Jesus and less of me. I’m just human and we know humans can do great things but we can mess it all up as quick as my kids can trash their bedroom after I just cleaned it.  Or as quick as Miss Mercy can clear her bookcase of every book. I love you all. I truly  treasure your support and prayers. 

#recoveringperfectionist